I decided that I am the Ultimate Feng Shui Creature.
For those of you who don’t know what feng shui is, it’s a more than 5,000 old principle that can make your life better by rearranging your environment.
Of course, the name feng shui, which means water and wind, is Bad – we cats hate water and wind messes with our fur. Therefore, I renamed it Fang Shoe, since I have fangs (just come over and I will show you!) and I love shoes (to sniff, to play with, to sleep on – you name it!)
Now, I will explain why I am such a paragon of FS.

Let’s start with ch'i - the life force that flows in and around everything, binding it together. I am very much alive and interact with everything, so I rest my case on this one.

Colors seem to be important, especially blue and white. Well, I am a white cat, so therefore I am by default good FS. The blue is a bit of a problem – white cats with blue eyes are deaf, so I am glad mine are green (or amber, or whatever you want to call it).

In FS, life and movement are used to fill in stagnant areas or break up long, straight lines. In interior design it translates into putting plants in the corners of rooms, or fish tanks against boring walls. This is an excellent idea – I love destroying plants and wouldn’t mind at all to do some fishing in the comfort of my livingroom! My Provider disagrees, so there are no plants in my apartment, and no fish to have some fun with. This is unfair, since I know for a fact (from my friend Ariel Bahir The Cat) that my Provider’s b-f does catch fish, so what’s good for the boyfriend is good for the cat, non?

Another principle is simplicity. You can call me an expert on that one; my life philosophy is: eat, sleep, cuddle, nap, play, snooze, create some mischief, catch some zzz, and try to outsmart Provider. You see, we cats have simplicity down to an art form. Humans write whole handbooks about it, the fools. These books are damn expensive and boring as Hell – that is, if Hell exists, which I don’t know since I am not religious, but if it exists, no way a great Cat like Moi would ever be there. I cannot say the same thing about my Provider – she is a lawyer after all...
So you see, I am the ultimate simplicity-meister.

FS has something against straight lines. Suits me fine as well, I never run (or wobble) in a straight line anyway. How can I ever topple my Provider if I run straight towards her? No, I have to sneak up from an Cunning Angle and grab her ankles that way.
In general, we felines like to curve – we invite humans to pet our bellies by arching our spine backwards. A nice side effect is, that it makes our humans jealous, heh, heh. That will teach my Provider that all that fitness doesn’t make her spine anymore flexible than it is now.
Therefore, by Divine Design alone, we cats are so FS, it hurts!

So, the next time you meet one of Us, please feel free to worship at our FS cat feet!