I am in a foul mood. There is this ongoing heat wave – so all I can do it stretch out on the tiles and doze. This stinks – it interferes with my eating and being naughty.
I blame my Provider – I am sure that she is responsible. She keeps denying this, pointing at the pretty weather lady on TV and informing me that she is the culprit. Ha! As if I would ever believe that! Let’s face it: my Provider gets out of the house when it’s cool and comes back when it’s cool again. You see my point? She also turns a wind thingy on (she calls it a fan, but that’s nonsense – fans are humans that love me, not wind thingies) that creates a nice breeze. Ergo, she IS in control of the weather!
On Saturday, I shouted at my Provider to get rid of this heat and had to hit her ankles with my paw to make my point. All she did was go to this fitness center where she spends way too much time for my taste, leaving me behind in the heat. Despite all this working out, she still doesn’t jump on furniture, so it’s all a bloody waste of time anyway if you ask me.
(Which you don’t, but I don’t care about your opinion, so there you have it).
As you can tell by this blog, I am able to type on the computer.
I am quite savvy – I am a high-tech cat. Hey, my Provider might have worked for some shaky and shitty startups, but that doesn’t mean that I didn’t get some benefits out of it! OK, the keyboard is a piece of crappy plastic – its legs broke when I jumped on it.
Bad engineering, I tell you. But the computer as such is OK.
My Provider disconnected Internet, which is really outrageous, since I cannot order food or toys online anymore. I am quite good at opening bags and fishing out credit cards, so I had it all in place. Being offline is a bummer – I am still hoping that her b-f will convince her that it’s really a Very Good Idea to on the electronic highway.
I often try to get my point across my staring into my Provider’s eyes. I tell you, humans are dense – they don’t understand mind reading at all!
So I also try talking to her. For someone who is supposed to be multi-lingual, I can tell you from personal experience that she hasn’t got a clue about our cat language.
Even shouting really simple phrases at her just draws a puzzled look, often followed by a hug and a “you are so cute”. Yeah, I know, but that’s not the point I am trying to make, Thou Dense One.
So you see my predicament. Hence, I am planning to experiment with little notes that I will leave at strategic places throughout my apartment. Provider is a avid reader, so that will do the trick.
I will start working on it as soon as this bloody heat subsides – in the mean time, I might watch “cat on a hot tin roof” on cable…but first I need a catnap…zzzzzzzzzzz