My Provider has to fill in forms. Since I am a Helpful Cat, I put in my two cents by stretching on the paperwork and playing with her pen. Somehow, she doesn’t find that very useful. Once removed from the forms, I read over her shoulder what she fills in. Just is case she auctions me off on ebay, you see.
The form starts with her name, which makes sense me. You cannot refer to her as “hey you” - not because it’s rude (we cats don’t care about that) but it’s just too confusing with all the other Providers filling in forms.
She also has to fill in some kind of identification number. I know that pedigree pets often have those numbers tattooed on their ears, so I checked my provider. She doesn’t have any tattoos, unless she hides one under her head fur. I tried to check, but she didn’t appreciate my close inspection of her scalp. She can be a tad bit nervous about my grooming her sometimes….
Then follows the address, I assume in case she gets lost, so they can deliver her home to me to prevent me from going hungry (or worse).
She has to include a phone number – Ha! As if I ever answer the phone! Give me a good employment agreement and arrange for me to join a Union and I might consider….providing it’s not too much hard work.
Then there is something called “sex”. You have to fill in an M or a F. This puzzled me, until I realized that M stands for Minimal and F for Frequent. My Provider always fills in F, which makes me wonder what the hack she is doing at her job all day! I think I should talk to her b-f, but then, it’s his problem, not mine. Only when it starts interfering with my food and hug schedule, might I contemplate to take some action. Well, may be….
Then there is something called “race” which is really strange to say the least. I don’t see why the color of you fur should be relevant. Take us cats-we interact with anything well, how shall I phrase it, “interactilecious” (I know, I know, I made it up and it sounds hip-hop, but I just love Destiny’s Child, so there you go). Moi, I am white with black ears and a black tail. So what does that make me? Exactly – gorgeous!
One of the race groups is Caucasian. For all you ignorandi – the Caucasus is located in Russia, and I know for a fact that my Provider is not Russian. I am sure of this, since the cat downstairs does have a Russian provider. My neighbor cat and I discussed it at length and no way, that my Provider can be classified as Russian – she doesn’t even speak the language! Hispanic seams to refer to heaps of people, but none of them from Hispania! (Which is Spain, for those of you who don’t have access to my Provider’s extensive library). The number of Hispanics is too high for the amount of square feet in the Spanish Main, so I suggest that whoever wrote this form, should rephrases. Not only was the drafter of the forms under the influence of some serious catnip, but you Humans should drop this whole race thing anyway and divide the form fillers in two groups: C and N/C (Cat and Non-Cat). (Not to be confused with RC, which has NOTHING to do with cats! Does the Pope have a cat? He looks like he loves animals).
The next thing they have to fill in is age. We all age and we live in the 21st Cntury. Again, the deranged person who designed the form should be condemned to scoop up dog poo in Central Park – if you don’t even know the age you live in, you are not fit to touch a keyboard, let alone force Providers to fill in this drivel.
My Provider has to sign every form she fills in. I am trying to teach her to just put a paw print there, but somehow that’s not allowed. Must be that pooper-scooper nitwit again that designed the form and imposed all those rules.
I like it best when my Provider has to fill in her bank account details. It means that she has money to buy cat food and cat toys.
So that’s my take on what you Humans call Bureaucracy. Why don’t you guys get organized and get rid of all this nonsense? Just a thought…and don’t expect me to put in any effort! I am busy hunting a little lizard on the balcony – so hasta la vista Providos!