I tried to explain to her that I am all she needs for companionship, but she doesn’t believe me. I am pretty sure I am not the only one Suffering, so I compiled a list of reasons why We, Cats, are better than humans….
- We don’t have problems expressing affection in public. We don't brag about whom we slept with (OK, we don’t remember, but still…).
- We don't correct your stories or criticize your friends (although we know that you talk drivel and your friends smell of dog).
- We don’t want you to loose weight – au contraire, please gain a few pounds!
- We never say that you look fat in that outfit (just take it off and let us sleep on it).
- We are not threatened by your intelligence; compared to Us you have a birdbrain anyway.
- We don’t steal your remote control, we don’t speak on the phone non-stop, and we are never online when you want to.
- We don’t max out your credit card.
- We don't ask "where have you been" - just don't leave us again, OK?!
- When we leave you, we don’t sue for alimony or palimony – we just erase you from our memory.
- We don’t care what your race, sex or age is – as long as you adore us.
- We don’t join unions or political parties; therefore, we are ultimate PC.
- We don’t run off to sports events or watch games on TV.
- We hate everyone that infers with our comfort – being it a fly or a terrorist.
- We don’t go joy riding in your car.
- We don’t spoil your pleasure by telling you who-done-it” (although we know…)
- We don’t celebrate birthdays and holidays – everyday is a Cat Holiday.
- We are non-religious, since we are Divine and need to be worshipped.
You see, we have healthy self esteem, you see, that’s why we never need a shrink!
Must be because we are so gorgeous, divine and superior.....
1 comment:
My poor friend - what a Trauma, all that shlepping around during your early years!
My situation was also quite dickensian - but in a different way.
I was born in Jerusalem and I used to have one brother. My Mum died, so bro and I were left all alone in the mean streets.
A female cat took pity on us (I was a wee kitten then) and took us to her home. Her provider's boyfriend didn't want to keep us, so she had to find good homes for us. My brother was considered beautiful, so he went first. Nobody wanted me - they found me too playful. Pfffff. I am a cat, not a turtle! So they took me in a basket and drove me cross country to my present home in the coastal plains. It seems that my provider had a good reputation as a cat "owner". I have been with her for more than 6 years now....I sometimes wonder if I could improve myself, but finding a new provider it too much work. You are quite an explorer, mon ami.
I don't go outside apart from prowling around on my two balconies. I don't like meeting other animals but I like spying on my neighbors. I tell my provider all about it when she comes home, but the dense one still doesn't understand me (sigh).
I so agree with you that we never get the appreciation we deserve!
Your pal Samuel
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