My Provider walks around on two paws, not four. Needless to say, this looks clumsy.
I also noticed that she doesn’t jump – at least, I never saw her jump on the couch or the table, let alone on cupboards. The little cub from next door does move around on four legs, and even better - he is my size. I like him, he hugs me a lot and calls me “kitty, kitty” before he feeds me. You see, my Provider leaves me regularly for days on end. She goes on something called “trips” and comes back smelling funny. I checked her suitcase out and noticed that there were other smells on it – even that of a cat!
To come back to Providers, it seems that once the cubs grow up, they decide to walk on their hind legs only. It makes them damn tall as well. Not that I don’t use it to my advance: I often entice my Provider to pick me up when we are on the balcony, so I can look down into the street below.
My owner often walks around with bare legs. I like that – I watch a lot of television and saw a really cool thing on National Geographic. My cousin the lion was hunting antelopes and toppled them by sliding sideways against their legs and putting his paws around their ankles.
I think that it’s a great concept, and I am trying to implement it. Compared to my dainty cat paws, the legs of my Provider are big and I must say – stable. No matter how I try, she doesn’t even wobble! Must be all that damn fitness that I am dead set against!
You know, we cats like cuddly Providers – that’s why we prefer women to men. We like to curl up next to soft warm bodies and we also like to knead body parts. My Provider doesn’t have a lot of soft body parts and I blame all that working out. She has a friend, Rachel, who is great. Rachel is quiet (and not moving around a lot like my Provider), smells nice and has nice, soft body parts that she doesn’t mind being kneaded by me. Needless to say, I adore Rachel!
I try to prevent my Provider from going to her fitness center by positioning myself on her sports bag. She just removes me, the rude one. I really don’t understand – bad enough that she has no fur on her body, but why doesn’t she want to be zaftig? As I said before, I watch a lot of television and I think that Anna Nicole Smith is the pinnacle of how a Provider should look (before she went on a diet that is).
Unfortunately, she seems to prefer canines to felines, so my chances of being adopted by her are slim. Not that I don’t like my current Provider, mind you.
But if I can improve my standard of living, why shouldn’t I?
I found out that Providers in the state of New York can leave their worldly possessions to their cats (and dogs too, I think, but who cares about them?
Not me!).
So I informed my Provider that we have to move to Manhattan. Seems that she is open to the idea, since she told me that I could look at birds from a high-rise window in Cathattan. Sound spiffing to me (got the word from a 30s novel in my Provider’s library – I like the sound of it).
I just keep my paws crossed that my Provider doesn’t find a fitness center there….