My Provider left me again – for two whole weeks!So I was left all alone (that is - apart from the neighbors who came in twice a day to feed me and play with me and apart from a friend who came five times to change my cat litter – but I was still a poor lonely soul, I tell you!).
You get the point - I had plenty of time to think between catnaps & snoozes and plotted how to reach world domination (without too much effort, mind you).
My Provider has something called a “resume” aka “curriculum vitae” which seems to describe her life.
Ha! I read it and it doesn’t say anything about the important elements in her pathetic life like Moi. It just mentioned all that stuff she does in her office, which is not in my dwellings.
This resume-thingy seems to work though, since she is duly employed and thus makes enough money to buy me cat food and such.
If she can find other employers with a resume, I could find an even better Provider.
I wouldn’t mind at all to improve my life by becoming a very spoilt and pampered Hollywood cat.
(My Provider pointed out that I am already spoilt and pampered, but that just shows you how dense she is, since there is ample room for improvement.
Just to give some examples: 1) I am not allowed in her bedroom, 2) I am not allowed to shop online for cat food and toys using her credit card and 3) I am not allowed to walk on tables).
Therefore, I decided to send out my cat resume to potential Providers such as George Clooney and Beyonce.
Here it goes:
Name: Samuel Clemens The Cat
Born: Yes
Sex: None since my snip, snip operation
Age: 7 in cat years, which equals 47 in human years
Race: European shorthair
Skills: Blogging, napping, playing, sleeping, chasing bugs and geckos, snoozing, training
humans, relaxing, eating, catching zzzz
Accomplishments:
- Training current human companion for 7 years and turning her into a decent Provider
- Blogging about my sorrows and updating own website
- Keeping in touch with my cat friends, especially Bundy and Ariel
I would make a great Master of the Universe.
If this cannot be achieved shortly, before my next nap, I am also open for acting gigs and 6-figure book deals.
References:
Cats: Bundy (friend), Ariel (friend), Louie “the claw” Cattino (cousin)
Humans: Provider, neighbors (they know how to take care of me!), Ruth (friend of Provider
and great cat litter changer), Rachel (friend of Provider and very cuddly.
Rachel’s husband thinks the same, hence their recent addition in the form of a young
male cub).
What do you think; do I have a change to improve my life with this resume?
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