The Cat of Downing Street 10

I have some sad news for all you felines.

One of our distinguished cat friends has passed away.

Yes, Humphrey the Downing Street Number 10 cat has died.

The feline died last week at the home of a Cabinet Office worker who took him in when he “retired.”

Humphrey left Downing Street shortly after the Blair Brood took over residence in 1997.

It seems that amid persistent reports that Cherie did not like him. It was rumored that Mrs. Blair was allergic to cats, or found them unhygienic.

A Downing Street spokesman said: “I can confirm we have been told that Humphrey sadly died last week some time.”

His retirement was not completely voluntarily.

In 1997, Humphrey bowed out of front-line politics after eight years at Number 10.

A Downing Street spokesman said Humphrey had been suffering from a kidney complaint and had lost interest in food.

A vet advised he would be better off living in the peace and quiet of the London suburbs away from the cut and thrust of political life.

Humphrey's departure brought a swift reaction from the Opposition.

The Conservative Constitutional Affairs spokesman, Nigel Evans, linked it to the controversy over the Formula One chief's donation to the Labor Party. The Government subsequently said the sport would be exempted from a tobacco-advertising ban.

“Humphrey clearly can't stand the stench of hypocrisy which reeks from Downing Street after the 'donations for exemptions' affair,”" said Mr Evans.

“Humphrey is voting with his paws to leave the Downing Street lair. After eight happy years under a Conservative government he could only take six months of Labor before he lost interest in living.”

During his lifetime, Humphrey enjoyed the attentions of many admirers.

The government paid for his food and he cleverly would perch atop a vent to enjoy the hot air from Number 10. Well, that is the official version, but we felines know that he was patrolling up and down the street to check out crimes and misdemeanors.

He was a relaxed cat and knew that Downing Street was his.

Once, then president Bill Clinton’s two-ton bulletproof Cadillac narrowly avoided “splatting” him under its wheels. Well, we all know how Humphrey got even – talking to the Starr cat!

Being the "mouser in chief" and most famous pet in a country of animal worshippers is not bad at all.

I wonder if I could apply for the job?

Although it takes pig paws to fill his footsteps:

“World of politics mourns a legend,” headlined the Sun, Britain's largest circulation daily newspaper.

I will take a nap now and think it over.

Cousin Louie To The Rescue

I am still on my diet, so I am one big unhappy cat.
My stupid Provider still doesn’t understand that I am not fat, just well rounded (in more than one way, I might add!)
So what if I am 22lbs/10 kg?
I am a cat of Substance!

I regularly ransack her fridge and cupboards – to no prevail.
Why don’t Humans eat cat nibbles?
They do eat fish, but they should stay away from that pasta and rice stuff – not tasty at all! (Trust me, I tried)

My Provider is quite clever (for a non-feline that is), so she understood that I am cheating on my diet.
She just didn’t figure out how.
Ha! Before those Humans invented Internet, we already had catternet.
It’s the coolest thing – we communicate by sending messages via brainwaves and the occasional sound byte.
It’s secure, efficient and cost effective.
(Yuck, I sound like by Provider – she writes that kind of drivel as part of her job. Yep, it is strange, but it keeps Moi in cat litter and cat snacks, so I don’t complain too much).

Anyway, this diet was really ticking me off, so I sent an urgent cat message to my cousin Louie “The Claw” Cattino.
He is one clever cat (he lives in Manhattan, so he is very sophisticated and streetwise).
He has a huge network of felines that do all kind of things (for some proper compensation), so he arranged a “drop off” for me.

He sent his associate Whiskers (see photo) to my place with some excellent cat pizza.
Now that’s a great cousin for you! And then they say that cats know no loyalty!
I just wonder if my Provider will notice the charges on her credit card….
May be if I jump on her lap and purr really loudly when she opens her statements, she wouldn’t notice…

Let’s face it – cats are not designed by the Great Cat in the Sky to diet and exercise.
It’s against our nature. We are gourmets of course.
One clever Human wrote a rather dumb book that had a great recipe in it:

Take one small mouse from the freezer.
Thaw.
Put in a blender and hit frappé.
Serve at feline body temperature on a clean plate.

I bet my friend Bundy will like this one – he is one hack of a mouser!